The beginning is the hardest. Writing it all down. All those thoughts and feelings and lessons. Making all those jumbled pieces fit together into something coherent. Because they do fit together. God’s orchestrating it all. Giving me a life lesson through life.

Like the lesson that when I admit to my Father I’m weak, then I am strong. That God offers to use  humility to carve out of my weaknesses, sin struggles, and difficult relationships a cup that He fills full with sweet grace.

“… a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”   2 Corinthians 12:7b-10, ESV

The lesson that God has made me with this personality for His Own beautiful purpose.

“God has given me a certain kind of nervous system. It’s one that’s highly sensitive … It makes me more vulnerable to anxiety and depression, and I’ve struggled with both at different times in my life. But it’s also the source of my ability to write, to see things others miss, to form deep relationships, to be a counselor and life coach. It’s not a weakness or strength; it’s both … Here’s the bottom line: We honor God when we honor who he created us to be.”   ~Holly Gerth (I just found some relief reading the whole beautiful thing)

The lesson that I can read about God and hear about God  and write about God, but that’s something completely different than trusting and loving God and trusting I am loved by God. I  can show you my crutch. I can tell you how it allows  me to heal.  I can share about a time that I rested on it. But that’s something completely different than constantly leaning my weight into it.

The lesson that when, “The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need” (Ps. 23:1, NLT). Because He’s not holding anything back that’s good for me. Because He is making something coherent out of all those jumbled pieces of life. Because He is orchestrating something beautiful.


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