Freed

Oh, God, to look back. where You’ve brought me from. what You’re bringing me through. where You’re bringing me too. when I doubted Your goodness. when I tried denying Your love. when I opened the door to worry and fear. when I wondered how a God I can’t see or feel or audibly hear could ever satisfy my soul. when I attempted to play god … You loved me. You pursued me.

And the fact that when I doubt and when I fear and when I fail, You will still. Always. love and pursue me.

And the truth that this church girl has heard taught dozens of times. the truth she mouthed and scratched on paper. this truth has now come like a marvelous revelation: because of God’s mighty hand over all things. because of the Son of God’s hands hammered to a tree. my hands are freed.

I am freed.

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Free from the overclouding sense of guilt and shame. Free from the power of my sinful tendencies. Free from the heavy weight of un-forgiveness and bitterness.  Free from “good” intentions of trying to be good enough. Free from the strangling hold of fear and doubt and worry. Free from self … trying to live with self in the center.

Free to step out of the race to the top. Free to ignore social and cultural bounds. Free to invest in what has no earthly value, but extravagant eternal worth. Free to look like a fool for the sake of love. Free to embrace the filthy. Free to cry with the confused hypocrite.  Free to lift my hands in worship of God by lowering them to wash the floor of the “least of these.”

Free to not be enough. Free to fail daily. Free to be imperfect. because the One Who freed me is always enough, will never fail, and is wholly perfect.

Free … because Love is lifting me from the dark pit of living for self to the freedom of living for the One Who loved me to death and back. a Love beyond any earthly fabrication has invaded my heart. frees my soul. is taking control (2 Cor. 5:14,15).

The thing is, I can choose to live out my freedom moment by moment through {it’s crazy} dependency and obedience.

I can live with my hands wide open. because my hands are freed.

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