all that’s left

I’m at that point where I’m wondering if I still know how to do this. I feel like I’m pulling out an old rusty tool trying to fit it into my hand like it used to so naturally.

Hey there. It’s been a while.

There’s a pause in the rush and it’s time to refresh and refocus and writing still seems like one of the best ways to do that.


I keep remembering back a year ago when everything seemed so different. God seemed so different. He was letting so many hard things slip through His hands into my life and I wanted out. Not just out from the situations I was in but out from God’s rule. Couldn’t I just decide for myself how I wanted to live? God could be God over there and I could be me (playing god) over here.

But by God’s grace that didn’t happen. God didn’t leave me to myself. I doubted His power and love yet He kept proving it to me over and over again.

His love poured in and my guilt washed out.

God’s love dilutes that nagging sense of shame and hopelessness until all that’s left is Himself. Holding on to guilt as if we can pay it off keeps us from realizing the power of God’s love and forgiveness.

There’s nothing righteous about thinking or attempting to pay God for the forgiveness He has freely given. In fact, that’s belittling God’s gift of mercy and magnifying my abilities to an unproportioned size. God wants our full devotion from hearts overflowing with His love not from attempts to make up for our failures.

But sometimes we just sit there saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” trying to think of how we can somehow even out the scales again. Then when more hard things come and we can’t stand against them it becomes laboriously hard to simply maintain a sense of staying afloat. And there’s a blaming game going on in our minds – first we say “there’s something terribly wrong with us; why can’t we get this right?” and then we think  “why does God make this all so hard? If this is the peace and joy God promised those who follow Him, then, honest, we could do better without Him.”

Or maybe you’ve never thought that. Maybe it’s just me.

{yeah, right 😉 }

So here’s the thing: I should be sorry. But can’t stay there. I must move on. I get to walk confidently into God’s presence because Christ has made me blameless. I get to rejoice in the mercy and love of God. I get to live out my trust in God’s complete forgiveness by allowing myself to experience the pleasure of His presence. I get to let all that’s left be His work of love in me.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Heb. 4:15-16, ESV

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Ps. 16:11, ESV




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